watch tf out i am depressed in this one
recently, i've felt the worst about my life in general than i have in a long time, and i don't know why. maybe it's because of how i've been just a little uncomfortable around some of my friends lately, maybe it's a seasonal depression (since i remember far too well how much i hated myself last december) but it seems a little too early for that. whatever the case, my self esteem is in the toilet and i feel aimless. i do things for myself, but what does it matter if when i get out of school, none of that will help me get a job or survive? i'm not that good in social situations, but i *have* to do some sort of club because my parents want me to. i don't want me to. does that make me lazy? am i just a bad person? this is the same feeling i had when i quit boy scouts, and i think that's for the same reason. i just don't know what i want to be doing. i have so many things to do all the time, i just want to be able to enjoy myself. i am a kid. i am a child. but i don't feel like i've ever really gotten to be one. i've always felt like i need to do more things, be more mature, and none of it has even been for my own sake. i am... not doing the best.