Ben Rambles About Various Topics

The Tic-Tac Lie

Tic-Tacs are a freaking sham, and here's why.

If you look at the back of a container of Tic-Tacs, it says it has 0 sugar and 0 fat and 0 unhealthiness. Now, if you've ever come into physical contact with one of these tiny little oval-shaped delights, you'll know having one of those giant containers of orange ones is like a heroin addiction. You just cannot stop popping in a few of these little guys from time to time. And who could blame you? They taste great, and according to the container itself, they aren't bad for you. But what if I told you that the back of the container was a complete and total lie? These devillish fruit pills DO contain sugar, and fat, and unhealthiness. In fact, a normal-sized container of these evil addictive beans contains 16 undisclosed grams of sugar! Now, after this shocking revelation, you may be asking yourself how the Tic-Tac corporation can get away with such an evil deed. Well, you may be just as shocked to know that what they're doing is completely and entirely legal! Each one of these malicious delights is actually comprised entirely of sugar, but their small size confines it to just half a gram per liar ball. By making the serving size one Trick-Tac, the company can get away with listing the total sugars as 0 because you are allowed to say the product has no sugar if the amount of sugar is less than a gram. This is how the company gets away with bamboozling the average customer through technically-not-illegal marketing of the microscopic sugar egg. Tic-Tacs are still great though, there's no denying that.

Preschool Stories

Whenever I hear the songs Pompeii by Bastille, More Than Just A Dream by Fitz and the Tantrums, or Safe and Sound by Capital Cities, I get hit with a tsunami of nostalgia. These songs were popular around the time I went to preschool, so the tunes are forever ingrained in my mind. Pompeii getting popular as a meme recently diminished the impact of that particular song, but every time I hear More Than Just A Dream or Safe and Sound, I'm still flooded with memories. One of these memories is legitimately my first ever Google search! Adventure Time was starting to get good around the time I went to preschool, and I managed to catch some episodes on my grandma's TV back then. (My favorite character as a toddler was Flame Princess, and I still think she was a great character.) My first Google search ever was simply "adventure time". Yeah, I knew how to spell adventure correctly as a 5-year-old, I am a grammar wizard. I don't remember anything about what I searched next upon my discovery of this information nexus, but I do remember playing an Adventure Time flash game that is probably lost to time at this point. There are a few other memories I remember from the infant days. My clearest memories are of someone messing up the Paw Patrol theme song in front of the entire class and being incredibly embarrased. Later the same day, I remember asking him what a "papa troll" was when we went outside for recess, and I think he may have gotten mad at me or something, I don't remember what happened next. Another thing that happened at recess was some kid throwing the mulch on the ground directly into my eye, that was incredibly painful. My dad (who still teaches 5th grade at the same school I went to preschool at) had to stop what he was doing and check on me, I flipped out that much. There's only one other thing I clearly remember from recess, some kids were doing a Sonic the Hedgehog roleplay (yes, you read that right). I remember trying to join in despite I, the person who is now the Sonic fan of the friend group, not knowing what the heck a Sonic was at the time. The Sand And Water Table was a fun time, some kid (probably the same kid who threw mulch at my eye, I don't know) splashed water on me and it was disgusting and I may have gone home early. Even after that happened, we all coveted being allowed to go to Sand And Water Table during free time since we were too dumb to take advantage of the iMacs. There are only two names I can still associate with memories from back then, Nick and Connor. Nick was the kid who thought that anyone who didn't like what he liked was dumb, and smuggled his DS into class. I'm not like him, I smuggled my Game Boy into class in the third grade! I distinctly remember being obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine at the time, and Nick saying that it "wasn't awesome" hurt my tiny toddler feelings even though that was a nicer way of saying he thought Thomas was stupid. Connor was my best friend and I don't remember anything past that other than seeing him again during 3rd grade because my dad took me to the talent show and Connor was in the back playing the trumpet which is still more than I have ever accomplished. All my preschool memories past that are either entirely unremarkable or have no context to help me understand what I'm remembering. If you've somehow read this whole block of text, have a great day!