FUTURE BEN WARNING: this one is way too edgy lol
it's odd how the time i'm the most nostalgic for that i actually lived through was summer 2020. it was the time when everything was really locked down and nobody had any idea how to continue, but it felt so free. just that feeling of nothing being set in stone, no "we're doing this thing on this day at this time for this long." everything was on a whim, just whatever my brother and i felt like doing. once we raced down the local hill on bikes to see if me listening to city escape would increase my speed. once we made an alternate version of star wars episode 3 using legos and a weird table from years ago. once we played gmod for 8 hours straight. it was never anything big, there were no road trips or theme park visits (we live like 15 mins away from one), but that's exactly what made it special. and even if i ever have a year where we essentially just drop off the grid to do whatever, it'll never be the same. i can't do any of it for the first time again. i can't be that young and innocent again. it's been only 2 years but it feels like a completely different universe whenever i remember something from back then. but every day that passes it feels more and more like i'll find a way back, even though it's impossible. man, i just miss 2020.